the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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