i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
