If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
