i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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