i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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