so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
