trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
only if we run a train.
done.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
