somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
