if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
