so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
