No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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