I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
