I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
