Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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