just come out here and I will go home with you...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
