I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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