Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
