i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
