census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
