Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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