Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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