don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
