Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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