I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
