I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
