You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
