Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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