why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
