Define "chronic" masturbator.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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