i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
