I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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