I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
