i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
