Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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