I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
