Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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