Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He better not be in your backpack
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
