Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
