you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
