when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
