I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i've created a new STD.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
