never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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