winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
