So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
