Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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