you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
