I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
