is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
