I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
