he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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