I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
