I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
